Does being asked, ‘which parent did you marry’ sound shocking to you? Well, it may if you haven’t heard the saying “You become one parent and marry the other.” But after reading what I have to tell you below, it will all make perfect sense.
For many years you may have noticed great guys marrying women that treat them badly and sweet loving women who have demanding controlling husbands. This situation plays out in many relationships.
Regardless the type of relationship, the reason behind your choices starts at a deeper unconscious or subconscious level.
You choose a particular person based on your attraction strategy. They seem lovely and just what you want in your life. You may be unaware of the deeper reason you choose a partner or friend.
Which Parent Did You Become?
During your developmental years, you go through what’s called the modeling stage. The modeling stage is appropriately between the age of 7 and 14. These are the years where you model significant people in your life and start forming who you are.
Little girls often model their mothers and little boys their fathers.
However, this is not always the case. You may have modeled either parent and sometimes specific characteristics of both.
Which Parent Did You Model More?
Which Parent Did You Become More Like?
Also, you can model teachers, peers, movie stars or anyone else in your life. For the most part, you will model one of your parents more than anyone else in this world.
Of course, you have your own personality. But certain attributes will be more prominent within you that resemble one parent.
These attributes may be kindness, sensitivity, frustration, outgoing, shy, driven, helpful, patient or controlling. This list can go on and on as you can well imagine.
Which Parent Did You Marry?
Which parent did you marry is restrictive by today’s ideals. We can transpose which parent did you marry into many different situations. Whether you marry, live with, date or become friends with, which parent did you marry means which parent did you attract in your life? Which parent is most like the person you chose for your partner or friend?
Often the partner you choose will be the parent that you did not become. This is where the saying comes from “You marry one parent and become the other.”
Why Do You Marry One Parent
And Become The Other?
Why would you “marry one parent and become the other?”
There can be many reasons you do this, but addressing a couple may jolt you to something you never thought of before now.
First of all, we choose what we are familiar with. That is an easy one to understand and probably not a light bulb moment for you.
Another reason you choose the partner you do is to heal your hurts from the past and to evolve as a person.
Yes, believe it or not, you choose your partner to bring out all your hurts and insecurities you developed as a child so you can heal these issues and become the person you are meant to be.
A very unconscious process for sure, but if you have been in your relationship for a while, you may notice how your partner triggers certain emotions that sends you back into feeling just like you did as a child.
What About Changing Partners?
Now you might be thinking, but what if I get a new partner?
Well, as long as you have those triggers firing off the old emotional states, then you will experience the same responses with a new partner. Because, after all, you’ll still be in a similar type of relationship due to your “marrying one parent and becoming the other.”
For this reason, changing partners may not solve the problem.
As Bob and I know from the many years of Coaching and Training people throughout the world, people repeat the patterns in their life until they learn and heal what is driving the emotions and behaviors.
Healing your insecurities/low self-worth and learning to love yourself by stepping into your own power will change your unhealthy relationships into healthy happy relationships – that work!